Dear Ms Eve,
Thank you for all the wise words and experience that you've been so generously and graciously guided to give us fellow Cosmic Divas. I really enjoy your column and it occurred to me that perhaps you might be able to shed some light on a little issue (only for about the last 15 years or so) that I've been having.
The issue is that I am certain I have this weird but VERY strong connection to a certain man that I met in my younger days. He's not ever paid me much attention except on a couple occasions. During those times our spiritual and emotional connections were so intense it literally seemed that time stopped and that we were on top of the world. It was so surreal but the upshot of it is that I think it scared the living hell out of me and it most definitely did him.
I am no longer in touch with him though I do think about him more frequently than I would like. I am happily coupled and have been for several years now with a wonderful partner however I had a huge shock during one of our recent moments of intimacy where for a time it felt like this other guy's energy had snuck into our relationship. Is that possible? I feel almost guilty in a way...like I was cheating. What is the meaning of it all? How do I make peace with the weird past I have with this man?
I'd be so happy and grateful if you could share some of your grace and understanding with me.
Yours truly,
Cosmic Diva
Dear Cosmic Diva,
Hmmm.... what a yummy question!! I realize that you said this little issue is 15 years old, and I laugh because for the spiritual explorer that you are, this is just a little speck of time in the vast eons of your cosmic experiences. You are a soul who is quite comfortable flitting around the universe in pursuit of experience and learning. But I also see the need for this experience to make sense as a human being and integrate it into your consciousness.
First let me say, that the vibration of guilt is not a very useful vibration for growth and learning. Guilt is an energy we humans use to control each other. Darling, if women really understood the extent to which they are programmed for Guilt on this planet there would truly be a revolution. Now this is not the same as Accountability and Responsibility. So let me say, that in looking at this situation for yourself, if you view it through the vibration or programming of guilt, you can't learn as much from it. Instead, discard the guilt and view it through your fabulous sense of humor.
Regarding the curse aspect of your question (the title of this posting is yours), have no fear, there is no aspect of curse in this karma you have with the gentleman in question. You do have a very intense karma with the gentleman and you as spirits have incarnated many times before in different relationships. And there was an element of "danger" in some of your relationships in that you "pushed the edge" in some of your experiences together, some of them were on the dark side. It is sometimes exciting for your spirit to look back on those, there is an attraction to being on the edge. Your spirit likes to push through fear and limits. As for gentleman, who is not always a gentle sort, he does feel some possessiveness towards you and feels free to trespass into your space.
Your question is really about choosing to focus on your path this lifetime and choosing to have a communication with this ex regarding your boundaries. While there are things that attract him to you and you to him, your lesson is about having seniority in your communication with him, and choosing to challenge yourself and your present limits towards growth in your current relationship. The man from the past stimulates a mixture of fear and excitement. This in turn stimulates the fear you have holding you back from reaching certain levels in your present relationship. Eventhough it's a really good present relationship, your spirit wants to take another step. Your ex man would have you dwell in the past excitements and tempt you with further out of body experiences. Your present man is waiting for you both to reach that next level as well, so he is generously neutral to this experience you are having with the ex, but not forever. Do not go into guilt and try to explain yourself or confess your dilemma to him. This challenge is for you to deal with. Can you break with the past, and the excitement of what was, and face whatever is holding you back from the next discovery? While the past can be seductive, you can see the whole experience as a manifestation of a hidden limit that is coming to light. Because the life that most matters is the one you are living in the body, where you are trying to integrate your spirit into present time. It is easy to go off and flit around the universe in our astral bodies. It is challenging sometimes to have experience of spirit within the body, within human relationships, but that is what I see on your path right now. An opportunity to go further that scares you a little. And Mr.Ex is just a distraction, eventhough a stimulating one, I do see that dear, believe me. We all get distracted, especially when we are not ready or afraid of the learning ahead. Not to worry though, this is all part of your plan, you the spirit know what you are doing.
Dear one, I know I have gone on at length and I hope this has made some sense. Let me finish by saying: you are an adventuresome spirit, who is capable and was born free. You will find your answer. For now, my advice is to claim the wonderful creation of the relationship with your partner, and focus on that, expand on that. And to use the experience with the gentleman from the past as an opportunity to gain confidence in your ability to turn away from something that does not add to your life today, and your abililty to put that boundary down to someone who doesn't always respect boundaries or communication. You will find what you are seeking when you are ready to take the leap. This Mr. ex is not what you are seeking for this lifetime, but his appearances are very useful in helping you take your steps toward what you really want.
It's all so much fun this LIFE, isn't it? No matter what, the rollercoaster ride is always worth it, even if we find ourselves screaming in terror along the way....most of the time the ride is really funny.
Ah well, hope that helps you deal with that seductive man who keeps showing up. He does look possitively yummy---but life in the body can be even yummier--at least I always found a real man is even more delicious. I don't know where Mr. ex is by the way, he seems very disconnected from his body this lifetime, mostly out there in space.
Love, Ms. Eve
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